Freshman year of college I entered into a relationship that ended up being very destructive. I was hurt bad. It was then I made the inner vow I’d never trust again.
An inner vow is a strong determination of the mind and heart. I unknowingly made that inner vow because I never wanted to endure that kind of pain again. If you have been in a destructive relationship, then you know what I’m talking about it.
If you married your high school sweet heart and never experienced a bad breakup, then good for you. Stop rubbing it in.
My Story
When I vowed to never trust again my career as a magician sky rocketed. I hid behind my walls and never needed to get close to people. Never talking about my feelings or even looking for meaningful friendships, I went from show to show hiding who I really was behind a wall of laughter and magic.
Throughout college I dated two more people, not at the same time. The next relationship lasted for a couple of months. I met the girl in Mexico; she was from Ohio. She either drove to Auburn or flew to Atlanta every other weekend; however, I never made a trip to see her.
That relationship ended because she thought I was cheating on her, even though I wasn’t. Looking back I see why she believed I was unfaithful. I kept myself distant and never opened up about my feelings…even though I really wanted her to know me.
The final relationship of my college career occurred several years later. I tried my best to open up and trust her. We talked about our feelings and our dreams. I thought everything was awesome!
The relationship; however, was still destined to fail. I was no longer hiding behind magic shows, but instead I was hiding behind my youth group and church.
Stuck in a works mentality, I believed we had to work to prove our relationship worthy to God. Looking back I was very manipulative. I never truly trusted her. So that relationship ended after 5 months and again I was broken.
I thought I was doing everything right. However, because of an inner vow I had made, I was unable to truly open up and trust these girls. No matter how much I cared for them they were not allowed to know what was really going on in my heart, despite me really wanting to show them.
My Pattern
It was at this point I started looking at my friend group. I had many friends. Being a magician has it’s way of making friends. It is to say; however, that I only had maybe two or three I trusted. Even the trust I had for those few were limited.
Finally, I noticed a pattern. First, I would meet new friends. Then I would hangout for a while. Finally, when I began to become venerable—meaning they finally started to know me—I would go find new friends. I was not doing this intentionally it was just how it was. Inner vows suck.
I had made the inner vow; “I will never trust again.” Do you see the pattern of not trusting throughout my relationships?
I’m now learning to open myself up to people. To be vulnerable to people, to trust people. As a result, I’m reconnecting with old friends, and entering into relationships with new friends who really get to know me.
I get to be me and not hide. Knowing that peoples ability to hurt me does not exceed God’s ability to love me allows me to be vulnerable and known.
What is an Inner Vow?
I told you that story so you may see how powerful an inner vow can be. An inner vow is a strong determination of the mind and heart. We typically make inner vows early in life.
Just because you were four doesn’t mean you lacked the power to make an inner vow. The vow itself is a defense mechanism against hurt. The vow holds the power to control and block whatever contradicts it.
Notice how I was never able to trust people with my heart no matter how hard I tried. Jesus puts it this way,
“Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.’ But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.” (Matthew 5:33-37)
The vow often looks like “I will never…” or “I will always…” When we make a vow we’re held to think, act, and feel according to that vow. The vow cannot be changed regardless of how badly we want it changed… even if we pray for the vow to be changed.
Our own word binds us. When we make an inner vow we are inevitably deciding to take control and dictate our own behavior. We are positioning our soul first and our spirit second.
This’s why an inner vow is a sin against God. We are saying I know how to do this better than You. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts come before You.
Doing Good Instead of Best
Even well intentioned vows are harmful. They cause us to do the “good” thing instead of the best thing or maybe even the right thing. Inner vows are like locking the door and keeping the key for yourself.
No matter how hard you push, try to open, or pray and knock, you have successfully locked both you and God outside. The only way for you to open the door is to undo what you have done by reinserting the key and turning it.
Inner Vow Examples
Some examples of inner vows might be: I will never be like my father, I will never trust anyone, or I will never cry. As we know, God says, “I am your Father!” God wants us to be like Him.
When dealing with trust the Bible states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) How can we do that if we vow never to trust?
Also, I never wanted to cry because to me crying showed weakness and weak people were rejected. This is simply not true. The truth is crying is important for healing and rejoicing. To vow never to cry is vowing never to have your heart healed or be happy. I don’t know about you, but I want healing…I want happiness.
Inner Vows in Business
Inner Vows don’t merely pertain to your relationships, but can pertain to every area of your life…including your business.
Have you ever made one of these statements? I’ll never be able to publish my blog on time. I’ll never be able to publish a blog weekly. My business will never take off. I’ll never make money from my blog. I’ll never have a five-figure launch.
If you ever made any of those statements, or one like them, you might unknowingly have an inner vow working against your business or blog. But don’t worry, I have good news. Inner vows might be easy to make, but they’re also easy to undo. Here’s how.
Undoing Inner Vows
When Holy Spirit reminds you of an inner vow you’ve made, which I imagine has already happened, here’s how you remove the vow and the effects of that vow from your life.
You start by confess that vow as a sin. Then you ask for forgiveness for making the vow. Next, forgive those who contributed to you making the vow. Finally, repent and break the vow. With the vow being nullified you are free. You have opened the door of healing.
Here’s an example.
I confess that the vow I made, ‘I’ll never make money from my blog’ was a sin. Father please forgive me for making that inner vow against my business. I forgive all those who’ve contributed to that vow, including (insert name) who told me blogs don’t make money and I’ll never be able to monetize my blog. I turn from and break this vow over my blog and business.
What Next
With that, you broke the inner vow and nullified its effect.
I’d encourage you to spend some time and pray, not only for yourself, but also for your business. As they come to your mind, make a list of any inner vows you’ve made and then go down the list one at a time and undo those vows.
Feel free to share any inner vows from your list in the comments below. Sharing will help others realize and break inner vows they’ve made as well.
One of my inner vows was to not share my vision with anyone until I was living it. I used to share my ideas and then I would find someone trying take my ideas before I could launch. That was really hurtful. Rather than seeing it as a good thing, I started to get bitter about it. But a friend of mine helped me to put things in the right perspective. And I realized that it was good that this experience happened because if my vision is good enough for someone to try and pursue it themselves, it shows me I’m an influencer and that I had good ideas. It also showed me that people really listen to me and it moved me to be a supporter of people. It doesn’t matter to me anymore that their pursuit was similar to mine. I’m going to live my dream regardless because I’m unique. That’s my God gift.
In sharing my vision with others and breaking out of those feelings, I found that I get even more supporters and it keeps me encouraged to keep moving forward. Though I also learned to choose my friends wisely and be careful of who I share my vision with 😀, I don’t let it stop me from sharing. In the Bible, in Genesis Joseph shared his dream and his brothers threw him in a pit but he kept sharing his dreams and eventually he was put in a place of prominence. So I’m looking for great things to happen in my life. It’s good to let go of things that we allow to hold us back because then we can see how God uses it to propel us forward.
Great article,
Lakisha B.
Thank you for sharing! That is so good! It’s hard to live the vision when you don’t share your vision with other people. I know in Habakkuk God said to write the vision down and make it clear so those who read may run. I believe we’re supposed to share our vision with others so they may run with it…run with us. They support us and we support them. I love what you said about how it proves you’re an influencer…that’s so true. You’re inspiring others to take action with your ideas.